“So, when my child hits, I should block and say “I won’t let you hit?” Sometimes. It depends. “What if I can’t be there or I don’t get there in time? Should I tell them firmly that it wasn’t okay to hit?” Sometimes. It depends. (just an aside…do you think they don’t know that it … Hitting: It Depends
There are a number of terms and expressions that are frequently used in Visible Child circles that I find are frequently misunderstood or misapplied. With this new year, it seemed as good a time as any to offer a few clarifications and tips. And I just really like that word “explications” so I threw that … Clarifications & Explications – Part 1
It’s the first day of a new year and a new decade (though, being who I am, I have some issues with that whole rah-rah new decade idea, because isn’t every 10 years a decade, regardless of the year that you count as year one, and geez, other people assert that a decade doesn’t start … Get Curious: The Heart of Observation
Yesterday, in one of my groups, I mentioned my “Down the Rabbit Hole” exercise that I do in workshops. I thought I had shared it before, but it appears that maybe I didn’t. I’m going to do my best to explain it here, since it might be helpful to some of you…and it’s actually even … Down the Rabbit Hole: A Mindfulness Exercise
We’ve all said it. We’ve all heard it (oh, the irony!) We’ve all thought it. It’s one of the most common complaints brought to professionals who support parents through challenges. They won’t listen! How do I get them to listen? The good news is that the answer to this seemingly perplexing and persistent pattern is … They Don’t Listen!
If there is one thing that distinguishes my work and groups from others that may have overlapping philosophies or values, it is that I am a serious, devoted, and passionate developmentalist, and my work and advice is constantly and squarely grounded in child development–what we know about the path, trajectory, and idiosyncratic nature of children’s … Putting Development First
“But if I don’t punish them or give them some sort of consequence or respond in some strong way, how will they learn that [hitting, swearing, breaking things, etc] is wrong? They need to know that it’s not okay! Isn’t that my job, to make it clear to them that the behavior is not okay? … “They Need To Know It’s Wrong!”
One of the most frequent misunderstandings of the Visible Child approach is that some people somehow think that we advocate for not picking babies and children up and comforting them when they cry, that we advocate “ignoring” their distress. This is, of course, not true. We never advocate for ignoring a child’s distress, and never … A Persistent Myth: Responding to Distress
If you woke up tomorrow and everything around you was purple—the air, the trees, even people—you would not have an option to see and respond to things the way you did before. For me, this is what a “lens shift” or a “frame shift” in parenting is. It is not just a conscious decision to … What is a Lens Shift, Anyway?
Today, a member of my online parenting group asked a question that many people wonder about, namely when and how to intervene or facilitate or “stay out of” toy taking between children. She cited her understanding of a respectful parenting expert, which seemed to lean in the direction of not intervening and trusting and allowing … Reflections on Toy Taking
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