If there is one thing that distinguishes my work and groups from others that may have overlapping philosophies or values, it is that I am a serious, devoted, and passionate developmentalist, and my work and advice is constantly and squarely grounded in child development–what we know about the path, trajectory, and idiosyncratic nature of children’s … Putting Development First
“But if I don’t punish them or give them some sort of consequence or respond in some strong way, how will they learn that [hitting, swearing, breaking things, etc] is wrong? They need to know that it’s not okay! Isn’t that my job, to make it clear to them that the behavior is not okay? … “They Need To Know It’s Wrong!”
One of the most frequent misunderstandings of the Visible Child approach is that some people somehow think that we advocate for not picking babies and children up and comforting them when they cry, that we advocate “ignoring” their distress. This is, of course, not true. We never advocate for ignoring a child’s distress, and never … A Persistent Myth: Responding to Distress
If you woke up tomorrow and everything around you was purple—the air, the trees, even people—you would not have an option to see and respond to things the way you did before. For me, this is what a “lens shift” or a “frame shift” in parenting is. It is not just a conscious decision to … What is a Lens Shift, Anyway?
Today, a member of my online parenting group asked a question that many people wonder about, namely when and how to intervene or facilitate or “stay out of” toy taking between children. She cited her understanding of a respectful parenting expert, which seemed to lean in the direction of not intervening and trusting and allowing … Reflections on Toy Taking
Not to get all Buddhist on you (I’m not even Buddhist, I’m not an expert, I don’t even play one on television), but you know, they really have some things figured out, some things that are intensely relevant to parenting and the kinds of things we talk about and promote in Visible Child. I’m not … The Four Not So Noble Truths of Mindful Parenting
The other day, somewhere on Facebook (in a conversation entirely unrelated to my work), some person I don’t know issued me a directive: “Don’t answer my question with a question.” I have to admit, I laughed most of the rest of the day. First of all, that person clearly has never met any Jews. And … Questions vs Answers
There’s this thing that happens. It happens in the parenting groups that I run. It happens in workshops that I teach. It occasionally happens in consultation or coaching sessions. It sounds something like this: “But last time, you said….” “But Robin said that other time…” “That’s not what you said last time!” “I remember that … It Depends
A relatively new member in my Facebook group asks: How do you parent without giving consequences or threatening to give them? I’m at a loss. I want to change my parenting style and I’m failing. My son who’s 6 has been defiant lately and usually when he is I threaten to take away his daily … How do you parent without consequences or threats?
It is always so telling when I have a hard time constructing a blog post. It’s not as simple as procrastination or trying to figure out exactly what words will capture the feelings and ideas I want to express. Sometimes it is something more. That’s what has happened here. A couple of days ago, a … Swimming Upstream: Choosing Trust over Fear