Ah, the perennial fears of parenthood. They come for us all. “They need to be ready for kindergarten.”“If we don’t make them do chores, they’ll be entitled and won’t know how to do anything for themselves.”“They need to learn that it’s not okay.”“My 4 year old will never have friends if they keep being mean … They’ll Be Older Then
There are a number of terms and expressions that are frequently used in Visible Child circles that I find are frequently misunderstood or misapplied. With this new year, it seemed as good a time as any to offer a few clarifications and tips. And I just really like that word “explications” so I threw that … Clarifications & Explications – Part 1
If you woke up tomorrow and everything around you was purple—the air, the trees, even people—you would not have an option to see and respond to things the way you did before. For me, this is what a “lens shift” or a “frame shift” in parenting is. It is not just a conscious decision to … What is a Lens Shift, Anyway?
There’s this thing that happens. It has to do with setting limits. And understanding. Here are a few examples of what it sounds like: “I’ve explained why too much TV is not good for them over and over again, and they just don’t seem to understand and won’t turn it off! How do I explain … “If I Could Just Make Them Understand!”
We, as human beings, are inseparable from our culture. The culture in which we are raised, the culture of our ancestry, the culture of our families, the culture of our institutions. There are many definitions, many meanings. As adults, we can and do make conscious choices to deviate, of course. For example, perhaps the culture … Finding the Right Question
Most prominent among the questions parents ask is a certain “brand” or theme that looks something like this: “How do I deal with my own anger?” “How can I be a calmer, more consistent, parent?” “I know I’m supposed to stay calm and not get flustered, but I always end up yelling–how do I fix … Shame: A Roadblock to Respectful Parenting
The choices we make. Every day. Modeling graciousness. Prioritizing connection over control. Placing relationship before “teaching.” I thought I’d share an example from this morning. We had a four day weekend at our house–my daughter’s school is on an atypical schedule. So four days of not getting up early (yay.) Today was back to routine–6:15 … The Choices We Make – Everyday Teen Edition
A reader asks: “My five year old still hits or is aggressive to his 3 yo sister often in the day out of frustration what am I doing wrong?! I’m afraid I am getting snappy as I’m finding it hard to understand.” And another reader adds: “I really don’t understand what we’re supposed to do … 31 Things To Do When Children Hit One Another
We have a new rule in our house these days: Everything is my fault. No matter what. If the conditioner bottle in the shower is empty, it’s my fault. If the egg yolk breaks (she hates that) when it is going into the pan, it’s my fault. If it gets to be 3:00 in the … It’s All My Fault. All of it.
My business, Visible Child, has a tag line that means a great deal to me, and is at the heart of the work and writing that I do every day: “As a matter of fact, they DO come with instructions.” As you may have figured out, it is in reference to the omnipresent comment expressed … Authenticity: The Hardest Truth