Welcome to the Visible CHILD Blog

A Bloodhound with Picture Books

I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’m a picture book snob from way back. Don’t get
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Shattering Illusions, One Parent at a Time.

It’s a heck of a job description, I’ll give you that. Every day, all day, I listen to
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They’ll Be Older Then

Ah, the perennial fears of parenthood. They come for us all. “They need to be ready for
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Methuselah Lived 900 Years

Today, a little departure from my regular Visible Child blog fare: a “blast from the
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CPS? PSC? C&PS? VC?

Oh, the acronyms! It’s time for us to talk a bit about the phenomenal tool known as
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Visible Child Foundations 1: The What

Parenting groups and coaches are a dime a dozen these days. There’s even a plethora of
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Paving the Way to Take Risks

Most of us have been in a kitschy little gift shop that had some clever little sign or button or
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Peeing. It’s a Control Thing.

Okay, folks. I don’t know if it’s the planets or the moon or something about the water
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Hitting: It Depends

“So, when my child hits, I should block and say “I won’t let you hit?”
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Clarifications & Explications – Part 1

There are a number of terms and expressions that are frequently used in Visible Child circles that I
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Get Curious: The Heart of Observation

It’s the first day of a new year and a new decade (though, being who I am, I have some issues
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Down the Rabbit Hole: A Mindfulness Exercise

Yesterday, in one of my groups, I mentioned my “Down the Rabbit Hole” exercise that I do
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They Don’t Listen!

We’ve all said it.  We’ve all heard it (oh, the irony!)  We’ve all
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Putting Development First

If there is one thing that distinguishes my work and groups from others that may have overlapping
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“They Need To Know It’s Wrong!”

“But if I don’t punish them or give them some sort of consequence or respond in some
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A Persistent Myth: Responding to Distress

One of the most frequent misunderstandings of the Visible Child approach is that some people somehow
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What is a Lens Shift, Anyway?

If you woke up tomorrow and everything around you was purple—the air, the trees, even people—you
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Reflections on Toy Taking

Today, a member of my online parenting group asked a question that many people wonder about, namely
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The Four Not So Noble Truths of Mindful Parenting

Not to get all Buddhist on you (I’m not even Buddhist, I’m not an expert, I don’t
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Questions vs Answers

The other day, somewhere on Facebook (in a conversation entirely unrelated to my work), some person
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It Depends

There’s this thing that happens. It happens in the parenting groups that I run. It happens in
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How do you parent without consequences or threats?

A relatively new member in my Facebook group asks: How do you parent without giving consequences or
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Swimming Upstream: Choosing Trust over Fear

It is always so telling when I have a hard time constructing a blog post.  It’s not as simple
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“If I Could Just Make Them Understand!”

There’s this thing that happens.  It has to do with setting limits.  And understanding. Here
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Modeling Graciousness, Part II: The Long Run

It’s 6:45 a.m., and I’m crying like a baby, you guys. Yesterday was a long day.   In
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On Parenting without Dogma

…or the alternative name for this post, if you prefer: “Why I Suck At Marketing.”
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Independent Play: The Holy Grail?

Today, I found myself responding to a post on my facebook group about independent play.   I wrote
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Finding the Right Question

We, as human beings, are inseparable from our culture.  The culture in which we are raised, the
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Shame: A Roadblock to Respectful Parenting

Most prominent among the questions parents ask is a certain “brand” or theme that looks
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Kids are people too…

This. All over the place. Reblogging perfection.
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Reveling in the Company of Children

Do something for me today. For my heart. It’s been a tough week. If I’ve ever done
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Toddler Lives in Adult Time

You may not want to hear this. But here goes. Toddlers (and those on either side of them, infants
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The Choices We Make – Everyday Teen Edition

The choices we make. Every day. Modeling graciousness. Prioritizing connection over control. Placing
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The Danger of Wanting The Answer

I get it.  You want to know what to do.  Your child is screaming.  Or throwing food.  Or
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31 Things To Do When Children Hit One Another

A reader asks: “My five year old still hits or is aggressive to his 3 yo sister often in the
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Art & Science: Thoughts about RIE®

Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land not so far away–in a time before banishment–I
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The Words We Use About Our Children: Valence

I am a strong believer in words.  Words have power.  Immense power.  Words reveal.  They reveal
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Logical Consequences

This week, I had the great privilege of speaking about Respectful Parenting and Discipline to a
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The Reticent Parent’s Guide to Limit Setting

I struggled a bit over the title of this post. Limit Setting for People Pleasers?  Well,
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On Independent Play and the Origins of “I’M BORED”

This morning, I’m musing (I do that), mostly as a result of a juxtaposition between two posts
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There’s No Trying In Limit Setting

Today, on one of the facebook groups that I run, a member asked what feels to me like the
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Toilet Training in One Simple Step

Every day.  I hear it–and read it.  Every day. Sticker charts.  Potty chairs that play
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Parenting The Child You Have

We have to talk. This parenting thing, it’s a tough job.  Don’t we know it. Some
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6 Little Secrets of a Sleeping Baby

Alice Callahan, who writes the “Science of Mom” blog, digs through the research to
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Model Graciousness

There’s a parenting question that comes up perhaps more frequently than any other. We seem to
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My Daughter is a Garden

Guest post by Julie of Amplify Autism My daughter skips along through the sand, little legs moving
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The Secrets We Keep: What Parents Don’t Tell Other Parents

Parenting is hard enough.  We don’t need to be keeping secrets from one another.  But we do.
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It’s All My Fault. All of it.

We have a new rule in our house these days: Everything is my fault. No matter what. If the
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Authenticity: The Hardest Truth

My business, Visible Child, has a tag line that means a great deal to me, and is at the heart of the
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Limit Setting: Grabbing

In a recent thread on one of my facebook groups a parent asked about limit setting, and the model
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Balancing the Scales

I don’t usually do this.  This is not a political blog.  It’s a child development and
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Choices: Why? When?

I’ve encountered a lot of misunderstandings about offering children choices recently.
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The Problem With Parenting Books

Oh, and parenting websites.  Those too. If you’ve dug around my blog at all, you’ve
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Consequences & How We Misuse Them

As most of you who read this blog know, I’m a stickler for words and definitions.  One of the
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Snakes on a Plane: Kids Version

Question:  Who has these kids? Answer:  No one.   Much more like this, probably. Am I right?
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Experiments in Parenting: What If?

I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go on a little trip with me–a “what if”
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Ah, Mindfulness.

Ah, Mindfulness. Mindfulness.  Mindfulness.  Mindfulness. Yes, please. With a side order of
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Music Soothes the Savage Breast: On Listening

There’s a lot of talk in positive parenting circles–and in general–about the
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All My Life’s a Circle: Respect Across the Lifespan

“We are once an adult, and twice a child.” I’ve been away. As ever, I have a lot
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Reflections from a Child Development Geek

Bet you didn’t know such a thing existed.  Yeah.  It does.  Welcome to my world. Remember
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Car Seat Madness

In my work with parents of toddlers, I would rank car seats as one of the most complicated and
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On Being “Strengths Based”

When I describe my work, I proudly say that my perspective is “Strengths Based.” 
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You Reap What You Sow (3 of 3) : Stimulation

Are we doing enough?  Are we doing the right things?  Are we harming our children?  Oh, the
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You Reap What You Sow (2 of 3) – Plant Well

So, in last week’s post (Part 1 of 3) when I wrote that you’d hear back from me with
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You Reap What You Sow: Part 1 of 3

There is a perplexing theme that I’ve been noticing a lot these days in my work with parents
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101 Dead Mothers and Other Tales for Children

Bambi.  The Land Before Time.  Finding Nemo.  Frozen.  Tarzan.  The Lion King.  The Little
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“Say You’re Sorry!”

Today, this article came across my facebook newsfeed, all about how to teach our children to
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I’m All About The Kids

As a critical consumer, one of the things I want to know most about it bias…because it’s
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“You’re Not Sugar, You Won’t Melt.”

It’s the first day of a new year.  Where I live, the sky is clear and blue, temperatures in
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The Best In “Interactive Platforms”

Today, a story came out on National Public Radio about teaching children words via a new Sesame
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Right Conclusion. Wrong Questions.

This article in the Washington Post, has been popping up in my facebook newsfeed a lot these days,
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The Myth of Sharing

Ah.  Sharing. One of the most popular and most debated issues facing parents of toddlers and
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Oh, Toddlerhood, Why Don’t We See You Coming?

….or Why the Word “Proactive” is central in the title of my work with children and
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Mindful and Proactive Parenting: Infancy

Today, after many requests, we founded a new facebook discussion group.  After a lot of thought, I
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Why Punishments Don’t Work

You’ve tried it all. Taking away toys.  Taking away fun stuff to do.   Canceling playdates
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A Slice of RIE – “Sportscasting”

Whether or not you feel the the infant/toddler parenting philosophy known as RIE (Resources for
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“I Don’t Like You”

What fascinating synchronicity. Just this morning, this “letter to the expert” about
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"You’re Not My Friend"

Boy, bullying is sure in the news.  Funny how people pay attention (at least for a minute, our
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Please Adjust Your Headrests

I’m telling you, this parenting thing can give you whiplash sometimes, can’t it? This
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Introduction

We’re glad you’re here! If you’ve visited a lot of blogs, you know some of them
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